Most of my peers’ parents and/or grandparents were baby boomers who didn’t do therapy. Men’s groups were church, temple, hunting, or playing cards. Women’s groups were not so much “healing birth trauma” or “mothering the mother” as they were post-war “keep the status quo” and “get the boobs” back after 6 months.

The 70’s/80’s had a surge of wealth, credit cards and drugs. Lots of opportunities to dull pain. Many boys were raised from an overdose of Feminism or missing father figures. Women chose careers over having children or worked through abandonment by cutting out the Dads completely. This is just a snapshot. Each generation will attempt to outdo their parents’ “best”.  

I am not the majority. I am the blessed recipient of a Mom who had a career but chose to stop working to be a full time Mom Manager to two overachieving mid-class Jewish kids.

While she had her own issues and family tragedy, my Mom was the ideal. I’d say much of my karmic clearing is past lifetimes, and the empath artist’s spiral of pain.

Years of powerful therapy serve me as a Family Mentor & Teacher.  I did all the spiritual psychic ugly work for my Mom’s generation and then some, organized my healing success, and served it do or die style until I had my own child.

It’s officially my turn to mother myself as the Mother.

Next week I’m going back to one form of Mother, India. She’s the land where I did the most healing. India has an electric kind of quiet where the landscape hasn’t changed in millennia. The families are steeped in the ether. With my own daughter now, our family lives the boon of our destiny lineage.

I pray this trip is a closing scene of the most mysterious and challenging chapters of my life. Narayani’s birth drama, and a subsequent incomplete pregnancy during the pandemic that is changing me in ways I still don’t understand. 

You see there is a theme in my life. The confusion of gaslighting. We know in our Bhakti yoga tradition that Vipralambha bhava, the mood of separation, is the most exalted. Meeting may be the goal, but missing each other is the sweetest mood. I’ve always had that awareness, that poignant loving mood of missing my beloved. It’s both a gift and a pain. One glaring example was having my Gurudeva for a such a short time embodied on the planet. 

And now, there is this other mystery and missing. So back to Mothering.  

I’ve only seen a few pictures of my mom after she birthed me. Her second born and a surprise cesarian birth, she expresses feeling complete. 

I am still grappling. There are many layers in the larger mosaic of birthing.

Do we need new patterns? Do we have to do such heavy lifting? Can we just “let it all go” and live destiny as it shows up, whether we “get it” or not?

Here’s a painful reality: Our family partners may not change. They may never catch up, nor shift, nor even pretend they want to. So we must find each other in the village. We must leave one matrix, like the false ego identity, and dive into a lineage of love that we align with in our vision. 

We were born to love ourselves, to collect the tools that heal, and share them with humanity.

I’ve wasted a lot of time trying not to be messy. 15 years ago, during and after powerful therapy, I organized my healing process into its own modality. I named that messy healing alchemy stage of manifestation ‘Abundant Survival’. 

Being dhira {the Sanskrit word for sober} means loving the gorgeous frightening truth of your birthright as human, as embodied soul.

Here’s the lie: when the towers come down and the floods are upon you, you need a village.

The false program that tells you to have dominion over your own property, without needing to speak to your neighbors, that there are appropriate times to judge, demonize, and even stop breathing the very air your share is not sustainable.

Here’s the medicine: Traveling. By Mind, Sea, or Air. Journeying to an ancient land like India reminds you that you live in a world community. That the world is your village. Because when you’re alone, whether in your room or a packed temple hall, and you hear the sound of a mantra, you have escaped the false paradigm.

It’s the law of humanity. Science. Ethers carry sound, and sound breaks the spell.

This is why I created the Soul Mapping Matrix and the Soul Culture Yoga School. Similar principles, for times when you need to be alone, for times you need community. Eternal values that you own, that you can share with your Mother, whether you’ve healed the trauma or not. Truth is One even when Split into trillions of tiny atoms that come together in the form of your left pinky finger.

Consider joining a village, a community where your vulnerability is not only celebrated but resolved. And then when you’re ready, you can serve it up to to the world.